Self sustainable

I am no one's

and no one is mine

I owe no one

and no one owes me

First, thank you for your kind words. I will emphasize that we are still good friends. I got all the clears from the bank and are waiting for all the papers to arrive.

Johan got an apartment to rent on this side of town, amazingly quick and thanks to aquaintances. He will be gone in a month.

I'm worried about the economy and if I will be able to manage all the loans and bills that comes with a house. There are so many things to consider, tv, internet, insurances etc. If my health would fail me it would be devastating. So in order to keep myself floating I really have to turn every stone/penny before I buy new stuff and save as much as I can for harder times...There's a roof to change in the future as well.

The plans to save money would look ridicilous in the eyes of many, but all the tiniest pebbles will build a mountain in the long run. I do this also for my son, he's a teenager and won't be too bothered by my scrimping.

I cannot say enough how pleased I am with my bokashi compost. It is amazing. This method will give me free planting soil. On sunday I filled a wheelbarrow with dark nutricious soil. It took only 6 week to compost. You don't need worms and you don't get any problems with flies, rodents or foul smell, perfect!

I topped a leaf and bokashi compost with the soil and sowed spinach.  

Topped the seeds with a thin layer of more soil and the watered with loads of snow.

The lid will give a warmer climate. Does it looks weird? Well the seeds will grow when they think it's time and they will sprout earlier. 

I wen't completely bananas with the chili seeds. I have chilis in every window now. Maybe I will cook my own chilisauce for next winter. 

So, you can see I'm planning to make it work, by continue to grow my own vegetables and expand my vegetable garden even more. I'm only worried about my health though, I have Mr Depression tapping on my shoulder and have to keep him at bay, I have to, I must do this.

I have never felt that I can rely on another human, so this will actually be no difference, only a bit more lonely.

It´s gonna be a bumpy ride!

There will be no part 2 as supposed. I'm devastated! Johan doesn't want to live with me anymore. He didn't say it. I just realized that he don't want me around and confronted him about it. He said nothing but he didn't denied it either.
Maybe it's best for us both but right now, I'm very hurt and heart broken. I don't want to split. I wanted us to be a family, we and the kids.
I can't say much more without being to private

I'm not an easy person to live with but neither is he. I'm hyper active and hurtfully honest. I can't keep my mouth shut if there is something I think is wrong. I can be too much of everything.

Sorry...but I'm exhausted, haven't slept much.

But I got some good news from the bank today. I can take over the loans and continue to live in the house. It will be just me and my youngest. Money will be scarce but I think I can manage it. I can grow my veggies and finish my chicken coop. My oldest son is a carpenter so he can help me with the heaviest things.

The most important thing is that we separate as good friends