Resume over 2020

 I guess a lot of people feel that 2020 was a shitty year. Well it wasn't for me. It was a strange year but a good one. 

In the end of 2019 I met a man and fell deeply in love. He's an amazing person and we have same values and the same thinking. During this lockdown we have spent a lot of time outdoors in nature and exploring our own surroundings. I haven't seen this much of my county as this year. We also found lots of nice places for picnics and campfires. He brought along to lovely kids.

I let the photo speak for themselves. You can clearly see that I feel great and feel loved. He's so kind, thoughtful, intelligent, funny and good looking <3

When someone sees you as you are, it's healing. Love can only grow in an environment were acceptance, respect and unconditionally love is given and received.

And I'm finally comfortable of taking selfies and being on photos and not feeling awkward or ugly.

Resume 2019

This is a very late update from me. Blogland is shrinking and both me and others are not busy here anymore.  Times goes faster and the fact that there is no working app for blogger really sucks!!! The alternative is Instagram, but I have never been personal at that place and will not post anything but snippets and photos there.

So what the heck has happened since my last depressed post? Well first lets explain how I work. I break down, weep, complain, get my shit together and rise like Phoenix rebirthed.

I'm lucky to be able to live in my own house and only have a tiny walk to nearest place for a cooling dip.

I'm lucky to have friends that lend you their mountain lodge for a fancy weekend in the Swedish mountains.

I've been gardening and picking berries in the forest.

I've been visiting friends. Been on concerts, parties, walks, dinners etc with friends.

I've been renovating my house and the photo below shows my sons new bedroom

I've been taking the bicycle everywhere I go, to get fit and to reduce the carbondioxide print.

And I've been running regularly.

I had a Halloween party with many friends

and I have visited exhibitions and other cultural events.

The conclusion is that friends have been very important this year. They helped me heal and to appreciate myself. They helped me see what I was responible of and what only was reactions of another persons bad behaviour. 

I'm not a bad person, like someone tried to convince me. On the contrary, I'm the opposite of a bad person. I'm a fun, kind, loving person and a loyal friend. 

^¨^

I was supposed to...but I didn't. A last look in the rearview mirror of 2018

As the header says, I was supposed to do something, bud I chosed not to do it. I was supposed to  study this autumn physiology and anatomy and resourceful developement, with the goal to gain another teacher examina. The autumn started really bad at work, the supposedly fabulous schedule was a catastrophy, with double bookings or no class rooms. This stressed me out so badly that I seriously considered quitting my job. I must say that it wasn't the principals fault at all, just some unfortunate misunderstandings. The other reason I choosed not to study is that I got my own study room. It sounds funny saying it like this, but actually...My stepdaughter moved out for good and we had one room free. Instead of having my desk in the hallway, were it was impossible to work in peace, I got a door to close and a room that is only mine. To make it completely perfect I had to paint the walls a little and paint  all the furnitures. All my sparetime has gone to perfecting this place, to get the calm and inspirational haven for me. I will show you photos of it in my next post.

It is with a bit sad feelings, I'm leaving this year. It has been mostly good and maybe the best year in several years. I have to mention one sad thing. My father is in bad condition, but I leave this year with hope for a good progress.

Time is a good medicine, it gives you distance to some things and another perspective of them as well. I have come closer to my true self. Instead of insanity and self harming, because people around me makes me feel wrong in every aspect, I now know that I'm not an idiot, not mean or angry. I'm not the problem, it is other people who got problems and make me responsible for it. 

All the black clothes weighed me down and didn't reflect my energy. I have so much energy, that I can bee too much of everything sometimes. Sometimes it makes me exhausted as well, LOL.

Please, don't mind my pressed lips. I HATE selfies. 

I learned about Dressing Your thruth, through a Danish youtuber (who helps people to organise their life).

Dressing your truth was developed by Carol Tuttle in Utah. It is a combination of personality test, colour coded dressing, and wellness. Some elements are a bit too pseudo science for a person (scientist) like me but other elements are very helpful. The program really helped me to come to the conclusions above. 

The absolute best thing that happened this year, was our vacation to Vesterålen and Lofoten in Norway. It was MAGICAL. I will carry this trip in my heart forever, I wan't to travel to places like this. I don't wan't busy towns and noises. I wan't to se the ocean, mountains, a never ending shoreline, and the sound of nothing but nature.

It was amazing to have my kids along . I have got the opportunity to have long conversations with my oldest and we have become more close to each other. No partner or spouse can compete the love you feel for you children.

At home we had several things happening, at last!!!!

We got a new heating system installed. We got a new bathroom renovated.

I started to build my chicken coop, this summer. It's not finished yet. I have isolated our garden shed and put in a window. And it got a new roof.

The upper window seal is still missing in this photo. The hole in the wall will become the little door for the chickens.

2019

My plans for next year are following:

Assigning for new university classes in the autumn (another try)

Renovate Alfons room (my youngest), starting tomorrow

Finish my chicken coop

Maybe, do some renovating on the house as well

Saving money for more renovations.

Loose more weight. I lost 10 kg already but I have about 20 kg's left.

Be true to myself.

What plans do you have for next year?

Oh, and please don't call it resolutions. If you fail to keep them, well you fail. Plans is a better word, because plans can change, right?

Happy New Year <3 .="" p="">

Hot days

It is unbeliavable hot. We only had one rain shower in two months. We have huge forest fires going on both in my county and up north. Fortunately no deaths has occured. My thought goes to beautiful Greece and the loss of over 70 people in wild fires. I'm convinced that this is the cause of climate change. I try to save water, feed the birds and fill a pan with fresh water for insects and birds.

Running can only be done at sunset or in the morning. I'm so happy to have lovely surroundings, just outside our house. One of my tracks is a little more than 5 km and goes along the river.

I love this view.

The river runs just about 150 meters from home and after 9 years in this house, we dared to take a dip. The water is streaming and it is deep right here.

We have been avoiding this place because the children were a bit too young to go here alone.

We have been swimming here almost every day. Nothing can cool you off like a swim in the river.

Cottage life June 13-15th

If your family have it's roots in Dalarna Sweden. You or someone in your family will likely have a "fäbod", a summerhouse. Our cottage belongs to Johan and his family. Small log cabins built in the 17th century have served as a summer home for cattle and mostly women for centuries. Because lack of pastures around the farms, these places in the forest served as houses for the people (women) who took care of the kettle and their milk. The kettle walked free in the forest but came back for the night and the safety at the stable.

Top photo, the cabin. Bottom left, the shed. Bottom right, the stable. 

After dinner and making the beds, we walked to the lake for a evening swim. 

 This flower bloomed everywere in the shallow water.

One evening we, me and the youngest boys walked up the mountain to check our spring. These natural springs are essential for forest farming. This is were we get our fresh water, it's mostly ok. If it has been raining or a moose have been there for a bath, the water from the tap turns muddy.

This summer has been extremely sunny, the temperature has been between 25-30 degrees Celsius, every day. So, during our stay at the cottage, we went to the beach every day for baths.

Our beach is over 1 km long and the sand is soft. This place is truly a hidden gem.

Last night at our stay in the cottage, I wanted to see the sunset badly. These photos are taken 12 o clock at night. Nordic summernights are magical, it is so hard to go to bed.

We lit a little fire on the wet sand. This was a risk, because there were warnings about fires and we have many forest fires going on. The day after the news banned fires completely. But as an excuse I can say that the fire is tiny and we were very cautious. We carefully put out the fire before we left.

The land on the left is Torsnäs, it's a Viking burial and ceremonial place.

This is how a relaxed and a well rested teacher looks like. Teachers work their butts of in the schoolyear, that is why our vacation is longer than everyone else. We deserve it!

I can say that during the week in Norway, I lost words several times and lost my focus a lot.