I was supposed to...but I didn't. A last look in the rearview mirror of 2018

As the header says, I was supposed to do something, bud I chosed not to do it. I was supposed to  study this autumn physiology and anatomy and resourceful developement, with the goal to gain another teacher examina. The autumn started really bad at work, the supposedly fabulous schedule was a catastrophy, with double bookings or no class rooms. This stressed me out so badly that I seriously considered quitting my job. I must say that it wasn't the principals fault at all, just some unfortunate misunderstandings. The other reason I choosed not to study is that I got my own study room. It sounds funny saying it like this, but actually...My stepdaughter moved out for good and we had one room free. Instead of having my desk in the hallway, were it was impossible to work in peace, I got a door to close and a room that is only mine. To make it completely perfect I had to paint the walls a little and paint  all the furnitures. All my sparetime has gone to perfecting this place, to get the calm and inspirational haven for me. I will show you photos of it in my next post.

It is with a bit sad feelings, I'm leaving this year. It has been mostly good and maybe the best year in several years. I have to mention one sad thing. My father is in bad condition, but I leave this year with hope for a good progress.

Time is a good medicine, it gives you distance to some things and another perspective of them as well. I have come closer to my true self. Instead of insanity and self harming, because people around me makes me feel wrong in every aspect, I now know that I'm not an idiot, not mean or angry. I'm not the problem, it is other people who got problems and make me responsible for it. 

All the black clothes weighed me down and didn't reflect my energy. I have so much energy, that I can bee too much of everything sometimes. Sometimes it makes me exhausted as well, LOL.

Please, don't mind my pressed lips. I HATE selfies. 

I learned about Dressing Your thruth, through a Danish youtuber (who helps people to organise their life).

Dressing your truth was developed by Carol Tuttle in Utah. It is a combination of personality test, colour coded dressing, and wellness. Some elements are a bit too pseudo science for a person (scientist) like me but other elements are very helpful. The program really helped me to come to the conclusions above. 

The absolute best thing that happened this year, was our vacation to Vesterålen and Lofoten in Norway. It was MAGICAL. I will carry this trip in my heart forever, I wan't to travel to places like this. I don't wan't busy towns and noises. I wan't to se the ocean, mountains, a never ending shoreline, and the sound of nothing but nature.

It was amazing to have my kids along . I have got the opportunity to have long conversations with my oldest and we have become more close to each other. No partner or spouse can compete the love you feel for you children.

At home we had several things happening, at last!!!!

We got a new heating system installed. We got a new bathroom renovated.

I started to build my chicken coop, this summer. It's not finished yet. I have isolated our garden shed and put in a window. And it got a new roof.

The upper window seal is still missing in this photo. The hole in the wall will become the little door for the chickens.

2019

My plans for next year are following:

Assigning for new university classes in the autumn (another try)

Renovate Alfons room (my youngest), starting tomorrow

Finish my chicken coop

Maybe, do some renovating on the house as well

Saving money for more renovations.

Loose more weight. I lost 10 kg already but I have about 20 kg's left.

Be true to myself.

What plans do you have for next year?

Oh, and please don't call it resolutions. If you fail to keep them, well you fail. Plans is a better word, because plans can change, right?

Happy New Year <3 .="" p="">

Time flies

The semester started insanely hectic. Things that really stress me out, is when I don't have control over the situation and when I don't get the time for planning and reflection. I have been on the edge of exhaustion lately. I have a ton of work to do, but right now, I'll take the time to write a post. Because it's autumn 💜. I love it. I will soon lay the garden to rest for winter.

We had our first frost night, but I snatched a photo of my mediterranean corner before it hit. Pumpkin, basil, cucumber, sunflowers, grape, lavender, tomatoes and chilis are growing together at this spot. The tomatoes looks tired, but the cucumber likes this moist weather.

I learned a lesson about pumpkins, this summer. They crossbreed with zucchini very easy. You can see a glimpse of it by the colour of the green pumpkin. I Planted what I thought was a Connecticut field (Traditional Halloween pumpkin), but the fruit looked like a swollen zucchini. That one is left in the garden. I also realised that pumkins actually prefer a normal summer, not the hot and dry one like we had this year.

My flower beds are a sad sight. But I also grow flowers in my vegetable garden, they literally flourish. The green twigs with red berries are aspargus. There are seeds inside the berries that I will try to sow.

My Begonia Odorata having its crescendo right now. I took it indoors to enjoy the flowers. Johan thinks they smell like Gin and Tonic.

Things I do at work: Letting the teenagers burn metallic salts. I beleive it's Potassiumpermanganate here, or a mixture of salts (because they have to try that too).

I reminded my old chemistry teachers hands, they looked damaged of all the chemicals he unsafely handled. I looked the same (almost). It is the salt mentioned above that gives these spots. They disappeared a day later.

Our ash tree at the backyard looks so beautiful with the green and yellow tones. 

♥️

Pamper yourself

I've been working for a couple of days. It is a huge transition from living in an almost solitude and low pace to a mass of chatting people and lots of impressions and new things that this year will bring. We also have a music festival in town, Sabaton open air and we always buy tickets for the whole weekend. It can become too much noise at the same time.

One thing I haven't told you, is that I live with recurring angst, ever since my depression. Angst is (for me anyway) thoughts of feeling useless, not good enough and a freak. I have a history of beeing the black sheep of the family, an odd bird and so it still goes on. We were suppost to go to a fancy pre party today and then further on to the festival, with a bunch of happy people. But angst and other private circumstances made me choose to stay at home alone. At the same time I did not want this, I really need the silence and solitude. At the same time I would love to have my spouse at home with me, but he is extremely extroverted and is happiest among other people and I want him to be happy.

Shit happens and sometimes I need to put myself first, if I ever will become sane.

So silence and solitude is the way for me to pamper myself.

Another is at least trying to take care of my appearance.

I visited an old coworker in july. We went to the city were she lives and had some coffee and icecream (fika). She and her daughter forced me in an nail saloon. This was my first visit and I choosed only an acrylic nail strenghtening.

The blue nails are mine. I'm very pleased with the result and a month later, my nails are long and strong. I've been building the last weeks of my vacation and my nails are still perfect.

So how do you keep your nails? Do you have natural, gel or acrylic nails and what do you think about it?

Have a lovely saturday <3 p="">

Garden days

My partner has start working and the kids are gone with their other parents, so I'm home alone. It is nice but a bit lonely in the long run. I like use my time for different projects and hobbies, gardening is one of them.

On the south side of the house, the sun and the houses creates a warm spot for plants like tomatos, lemons, lavender, etc. I bought seeds of a chili called coffe this year. The plant looks nice with purple flowers and fruits black as sin, or coffe. But the heat is missing, I can use it raw in salads and people will beleive I have used tiny paprika. The purple flower is Ipomoea Purpurea (latin), I saw this growing wild in Greece and fell instantly in love with it.

I have a box on the south side were I intended to grow basil and cucumber. Well I got a pumpkin instead. If you lift the plate sized leafs and look underneath, you find the basil.   

Let's take a stroll to the backyard were my vegetable beds are.

Under the net curtain (Jill from Ikea) hides cabbage and cauliflowers. This is the only way to grow cauliflowers without larvaes.

Zucchini is my every year staple. I grow them from my own seeds. It has become expensive to buy seeds and the number of seeds in a package are reduced. So if you like to grow veggies like me, learn how to grow seeds as well. You can se some short corn plants to the left.

This is my bed of roots. But the one first in view , under the compost fence is salad, parsil and dill. I have a couple of deers living nearby who think this is a buffé of delicasies. The bed behind is beetroots. Swedish people love pickled beetroots. 

I also grow garlic, parsnips, challots and carrots. As we don't have any water restrictions, I water my vegetables shamelessely. But I save water from the tap and rinse water from the clothes wash for my plants.

The sad part of my garden.

The apple trees are bending towards the ground with so many apples, but they are falling because of the drought. I have cucumbers, borlotti beans and pumpkins in this part. I also have covered a part with a plastic cover, because lack of time in the beginning of summer.

The cucumber plants might look small but they produce nice pickle cucumbers. I made my first jar a couple of days ago. These are to die for. They are very popular among my friends.

Here's the recipe

In a sauce pan, bring following ingredients to boil.

150 ml of white vinegar (12 %)

500 ml water

500 ml sugar

50 ml salt

Rinse and slice the cucumbers (the kind for pickling) and put them in a clean jar. You can add dill flowers and mustard seeds if you like. Try to fill the jar as much you can.

Pour the boiling pickle juice over the cucumbers and seal the lid tight.

If it is air tight, the jar can be stored for at least a year.

I rarely take the time to rest. But sometimes I need to sit down and think for a while. An old rattan chair, that I got from my grand father is to rattly to use indoors, but fits perfect for short rests for me.

Hot days

It is unbeliavable hot. We only had one rain shower in two months. We have huge forest fires going on both in my county and up north. Fortunately no deaths has occured. My thought goes to beautiful Greece and the loss of over 70 people in wild fires. I'm convinced that this is the cause of climate change. I try to save water, feed the birds and fill a pan with fresh water for insects and birds.

Running can only be done at sunset or in the morning. I'm so happy to have lovely surroundings, just outside our house. One of my tracks is a little more than 5 km and goes along the river.

I love this view.

The river runs just about 150 meters from home and after 9 years in this house, we dared to take a dip. The water is streaming and it is deep right here.

We have been avoiding this place because the children were a bit too young to go here alone.

We have been swimming here almost every day. Nothing can cool you off like a swim in the river.

Cottage life June 13-15th

If your family have it's roots in Dalarna Sweden. You or someone in your family will likely have a "fäbod", a summerhouse. Our cottage belongs to Johan and his family. Small log cabins built in the 17th century have served as a summer home for cattle and mostly women for centuries. Because lack of pastures around the farms, these places in the forest served as houses for the people (women) who took care of the kettle and their milk. The kettle walked free in the forest but came back for the night and the safety at the stable.

Top photo, the cabin. Bottom left, the shed. Bottom right, the stable. 

After dinner and making the beds, we walked to the lake for a evening swim. 

 This flower bloomed everywere in the shallow water.

One evening we, me and the youngest boys walked up the mountain to check our spring. These natural springs are essential for forest farming. This is were we get our fresh water, it's mostly ok. If it has been raining or a moose have been there for a bath, the water from the tap turns muddy.

This summer has been extremely sunny, the temperature has been between 25-30 degrees Celsius, every day. So, during our stay at the cottage, we went to the beach every day for baths.

Our beach is over 1 km long and the sand is soft. This place is truly a hidden gem.

Last night at our stay in the cottage, I wanted to see the sunset badly. These photos are taken 12 o clock at night. Nordic summernights are magical, it is so hard to go to bed.

We lit a little fire on the wet sand. This was a risk, because there were warnings about fires and we have many forest fires going on. The day after the news banned fires completely. But as an excuse I can say that the fire is tiny and we were very cautious. We carefully put out the fire before we left.

The land on the left is Torsnäs, it's a Viking burial and ceremonial place.

This is how a relaxed and a well rested teacher looks like. Teachers work their butts of in the schoolyear, that is why our vacation is longer than everyone else. We deserve it!

I can say that during the week in Norway, I lost words several times and lost my focus a lot. 

There is no place like home, there is no place like home

Day 7 June 30th Leaving Norway

Leaving Lofoten and Vesterålen.

On the way back to Sweden we spotted amazing mountains with interesting geological textures.

Alfons says I have a fetish for mountains. Oh, I know I have.

 Happy to see the border to Sweden.

 And the soft mountains of Lapland. We stayed one night in Arjeplog in Lapland.

I bought some jewellery in Arjeplog from Sami designers. I bought the necklace in bone and wood at the hotel. The silver earrings (that already got some oxidation) was bought at the Silver museum. The museum tells the stores about how Swedish settlers lived and worked in Lapland but a great deal of the exhibition is about the Sami peapole, how they survived, their culture and their beautiful craftmanship and clothing. As many lived as nomads their clothes and their jewellery was of important economic value, apart from the reindeers.

If you are interested in the Sami people, I can highly recommend the movie Sami Blood. The story takes place in a quite modern time when young people of Sapmi was forced to learn everything in Swedish. The Sami people has been harrassed for a long time for their culture, religion and language. 

11 hours in a car in hot weather can be a challenge. We were so releived when we arrived home safe and sound 11 o'clock in the evening. The trip was an amazing experience and I'm so happy that my oldest wanted to join along with girlfriend. I can recommend you to seek those beautiful spots of the world to explore. Save your money, don't buy crap, and travel more.