~

Life is no bed of roses

it is made with broken glass

My heart is completely broken, but it surprise me anyway by racing amok every night.
I've been so blind trying to hold everything together that I didn't see what I now beginning to understand. With solitude and distance, I begin to understand why my confidence is on the bottom of a well, why I feel completely useless, never good enough and why I felt socially awkward and unwelcome. I feel like a total looser.

The future is like a black hole, it sucks all the light and energy, and I don't know whats around the bend. It is hard to make plans, because I'm worried if I will manage the economy and the house on my own. I have no idea what life will look like in a couple of years. 

One thing is for sure. I will never ever give away my heart so completely again. Well it is lost anyway and broken.

I do hope I will find my mojo soon. By that, I mean my creativity and imagination. The science departement at our university is renovating and was going to throw these old boxes that contained microscopic samples. I asked nicely and could take them home. 

I also found the microscopic slides in the waste bin. I didn't ask and I took lots of them as well. Some of them are 100 years old and marked with tiny labels and capillacious handwriting. How about a liver sample from cat?

One of the professors was obviously very fond of smoking because the biology samples were collected in match boxes and cigar boxes.

So in waiting of mojo and time, I hope to create something mixed media/steampunk with this if the future will allow me.